I’m in the dark looking at the stars from my backseat window. I noticed lights from plane flying above a little while ago. I’m looking out the hatch and can see lights from the town miles away.
The sky is so clear. Maybe it’s being in the mountains, maybe it just tonight, but I don’t mind feeling so insignificant like I do right now with the night so big.
I settled down around 7:30 with a book and a highlighter. Finished my beer around 8 and laid down to write.
If you can’t tell, I’m actually writing this right now.
I have tears in my eyes, and I’m thinking to myself – I am so proud of you. I never say my own name, but just you.
Tonight, I’m doing this thing that I’ve talked about all year – camping in the car, the first step toward primitive camping.
In my head, I go on all of these adventures. I have a HUGE list read: multiple lists of places I want to go and things I want to eat. Since moving to South Carolina I’ve made one for Columbia, Greenville, Charlotte, Charleston, Asheville and Augusta. I’m slowly checking things off.
I think this why I am obsessed with Alice in Wonderland.
While she was unsure, she still made her way through the forest and learned what she could from everybody she came in contact with. She took risks – even when she didn’t want to. She woke up and she was different.
Don’t get me wrong, she absolutely made some stupid ass decisions along the way. Like eating and drinking things just because the packaging was cut and they were in front of her is a great example of those poor choices, and reminds me of college parties more than I wish it did, but I digress.
I could just be making up my own version of her in my head so I have a hero to look at – not sure why she’d be it, but here we are.
I hated camping as a kid. We went less than a handful of times – maybe three – I don’t even remember, it’s bundled with those memories that are missing or are blurred. I do remember my stepmom complaining just as much as we did. I think for us kids, we didn’t understand the purpose and since “family” time wasn’t really something honored, it felt foreign trying to force it when I was a pre-teen and teenager.
There one thing that really stands out to me from one trip – my sister and I had a root under our wing of the tent. Nothing says this fucking sucks like a root in your back for the night.
After I started hiking, I decided I wanted to go camping as an adult. This year has been my first opportunity to do that.
Having say definitely makes a difference. I can pick the gear and the location – the time of year. I can decide how long I stay and the snacks. The snacks are important.
I have buy in now.
And like any goal or change – if you don’t have buy in, it’s not happening. Strides will not be made at all.
I’ve researched and I’ve been dabbling, slowly making it more challenging and giving myself chances to see that I can do this.
I totaled up my miles and this year, over 13 hikes I’ve accomplished 74.87 miles – that blows my mind and it makes me want to push for 100 by the end of the year.
So, I think we’re adding that to the list of things to accomplish this year – it can be bundled with moving my body in ways that feels good and honestly, it’s interesting to see how different hiking feels as my lifting has evolved. Muscular endurance absolutely matters here too.
I’m looking forward to the next overnight in two week. We’re going hard – we’re doing multiple days and I’ll be a with a friend. I can’t wait to share the trail.
Under the stars I can say that after 9 months I’m finally feeling like I can breathe.