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I wish I could pinpoint it

Today was the first day that my stomach wasn’t in my throat.

That’s kind of weird to say, but that’s how it felt.

I had therapy on Friday because I go once month. I know I’ve explained before that I’ve gone since I was a kid for a number of reasons and as for this therapist – I started going once a week, then once every two weeks, then when I went on medical leave a few years ago it was twice a week, then once a week, then every two weeks and it’s been steadily once a month.

Sometimes we’ll space it for three weeks if we think that may be helpful like if an event is coming up or if we feel I need it.

We talked about everything and he said you can’t try to make (anxiety perfect. No one has their shit together even when it’s good. I know you know that.

Yep, I know that.

I’m not trying to be perfect, I’m more than okay feeling my feelings and talking about it. I just wish that some of the bodily reactions I get would chill the fuck out.

It’s funny to joke about being emotional, but sometimes I don’t have an answer when I’m asked what’s wrong – I wish I could pinpoint it.

It’s the electric company.

It’s being away for almost a week.

It’s working back into a routine.

It’s writing.

It’s the podcast.

It’s reminding myself every day why.

Because even though there are some people reading this, this is for me first. If it helps someone else then great, but that comes second. But I have to remind myself that there’s a balance. Some things are for me and others aren’t. Some are for fun and some are for business.

Lifting is for me. Running is for me.

The podcast is for me. It’s free to make and I’ve had fun with it. Sometimes, things can be about fun.

Coaching isn’t about me. It’s rewarding, but it’s not about me.

It’ll be nice to have a new week and see where it leads me.

I’m 2 for 2 for running and that’s something.

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