No one can do this for you, but you. Whatever this is.
I’ve said that before and I know I said it recently when I talked about the importance of advocating for yourself on my Facebook page. It’s true – no one will look out for you more than you, so ask questions, be curious, get involved in the process. Being successful, in any definition, is the same – no one will make you successful, but you.
I got a message from a woman yesterday asking about group coaching. She said she was interested, but also told me that she had been asked previously by another coach why she had a hard time “showing up” for herself. She explained that it hadn’t been put that way, but it was close.
So I asked her, “what are you expecting from coaching – not just my program, but any program?”
I think that’s a really important question to ask yourself when you’re diving into anything. First would be, what are you bringing to the table and second, what are your expectations of the assistance you’re asking for?
How do these two things work together.
She said that she needed accountability, a cheerleader and help getting motivated.
I understand wanting someone to check in with, who will hold you to your words and make sure they become actions. I also understand needing a pat on the back every now and then. I don’t care if you say you don’t need that, but reassurance is nice in many forms. Motivation can’t be found externally – it needs to come from within.
You can be inspired by someone else’s behavior, but if you’re seeking external motivation, it’s going to be fleeting. I believe there needs to be a something deeper. What makes you want this goal?
I was blunt and I told her that she needs to figure out why she can’t commit because regardless of working with me or someone else, it’s going to be difficult for her if she can’t commit to herself.
It’s not about me or whoever your coach or trainer or assistance is. It’s about you and getting you where you want to be.
Maybe it’s language. Maybe you substitute won’t for can’t. Why won’t you do this?
Figuring out your goals and how they fit the current state of things is important.
Timing really is everything.
So, it’s possible if you find yourself not having motivation for the follow through it’s because the goal isn’t the right one for you right now. This is completely okay. You have your whole life – you can change your mind and change direction and come back to this later.
It’s also possible that the answer to Why won’t you do this? is I don’t want to and that’s okay too. You’re allowed to not be ready for a something even if you feel like you should be. You’re allowed to not want to make a change, but then you need to figure the why not.
It can go back to the first point – the goal just isn’t for you.
I love running, but I will never be a marathoner. I love how I feel when I run and I get my stride, but I don’t love it more than a handful of miles in. It would do me a disservice to set that as my goal – run a marathon.
In some cases I feel like my name here isn’t just about physically going for a run, it’s the metaphorical too – the journey is a long run.
It could also be the fear of failing – it’s real.
I think that’s the partial downfall of being hyperconnected like we are. We see so much success around us from our friends and family as well as the strangers we follow online, we forget that there could be some struggle in there that we’re not seeing. We feel like we need to do it all and be good at it all – that’s just not true.
I think we need to define success and failure and priority for ourselves. If we continuously use definitions set by other people we will never match up to their standards.
I can’t make you show up. I can’t make you follow through. I can inspire some of you and give you ideas of how I’m figuring out my healthy lifestyle. You may find guidance in how I highlight my successes and strategize from my failures, but I can’t make you do anything.
- What do you want to accomplish?
- Why do you want to accomplish it?
- How much time will you give yourself to accomplish it?
- What obstacles do you have in your way?
- How can you remove or decrease those obstacles?
- Is success only going to be realized when this goal is accomplished, or will there be other methods to measure it along the way?
At the end of the day it’s up to you how you answer these questions.