Day 245, Quote 28: “Mind your words”

The past week has been busy. Most weeks are busy.

There are times that it feels like there aren’t enough hours in the day. I have too many ideas going on in my head and sometimes, I have to say to myself that I need to step back and think about what’s important today and in the near future.

I do this with my personal schedule – working out, errands, sleeping, writing. I try to do this with coaching.

Similar to how we talk about our bodies, I’ve been trying to reframe how I talk about my abilities.

When we say we can’t do something, do we really mean we can’t? What’s stopping us? Is it lack of time or true ability? Is it resources?

Do we mean we can’t or do we mean we don’t want to?

I’ve been trying to change out the language I’m using with myself to see how the conversation changes and to determine if I’m saying what I really mean. The conversation has been sounding a lot different.

I started to think negatively about my abilities to help others and I started to doubt myself and this path that I’m building. But then on Friday, I got a text from a client thanking me for talking her through a situation at school that had been making her contemplate her abilities and her purpose. It pulled me back to my reality and my purpose – I don’t need to help everyone, I just need to put that kind of light into the world.

So, JP and I were talking about coaching the other night and how I wish I had a few more clients than I do currently, but I also told him that I’m excited to see how the group program comes along. 

When I think of can’t and won’t in this context, I know I won’t change how I coach. I won’t write meal plans, I won’t do the work for someone else – that’s completely in my control. I can’t necessarily change what the market wants – if that’s what people are looking for, then I can’t help them. I can continue to educate those around me how health coaching is different than a personal trainer, and how I invest in my clients.

What I can do is talk about my experiences and how I can use them combined with my education to support others in their quests for a healthier lifestyle. I can talk about how health isn’t a one-size fits all model and how with my coaching, we find what actually works for the individual instead of prescribing a cookie-cutter plan.

can help you navigate nutrition and discover fitness, we will define and redefine success as you move through each week. We will create goals for the short-term because it’s important to have some immediate satisfaction, but we will continue to work towards long-term goals because greatness doesn’t happen overnight. I can also help you find other professionals for what I can’t do – and it’s important for us to know our limitations. I can tell people how I believe that they need support in all aspects of their lives because we can’t segment out our emotions.

Our behavior in the gym, our relationship with our food, our ability to sleep at night, how we react to events and the behavior of others is related to our environment. We learn from those around us.

can tell you that I want to know the names of your kids and spouse because they are important to you and create your support system. The relationships we have, or don’t have, play a key role in how we set goals for ourselves and work towards them.

will encourage you to participate in your reality in the ways that suit you, not the way that society has told you should suit you.

won’t do the work for you, but I will give you the tools and resources to help you create and learn the strategies that fit you because no one else is like you. That’s the magic inside us.

We decide what we won’t do.  And we need to change the language so that when we say we can’t, we know it’s because have exhausted everything else.

So I can do many things and I will tell you that too, but I won’t feed into the idea that we should be dependent on the abilities of others to be successful forever. Yes, coaches have coaches and mentors, but that doesn’t mean that the work is done for us. We’re given the tools to drive forward and eventually we don’t need to lean so much on someone else.

Can, can’t, will, won’t. Change your words around and see if you like how you feel about the conversation.

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