Day 229, Quote 26: “Live your truth”

I hate when it’s quiet, but there’s something about the early morning before JP gets up, as the coffee pot is going that makes me calm.

Typically, when it’s quiet I can hear my pulse. As a kid when I tried to explain this to my dad he didn’t understand when I said I could hear the ocean when it’s too quiet. What I learned later as a teenager is science class is that holding a seashell to your heat allows for the noise to vibrate around and be amplified. I think it sounds nicer to say I hear the ocean when it’s too quiet rather than I hear my pulse, but oh well.

The truth though, I didn’t see the ocean for the first time until I was 14, it was the summer between 8th and 9th grade. I saw it two more times in high school. No times in college and a few times as an adult. So I guess saying I hear the ocean is really like saying I hear something that I believe is the ocean.

Anyway, I like hearing the ocean after the coffee pot finishes its last blurp of water. That’s kind of what I wanted this morning, but waking up before my alarm after a not-so-good night’s rest, I decided I should just get the day started.

I got about six hours, but I can say that it wasn’t peaceful, but, surprisingly this morning, my energy isn’t terrible and I still felt capable to go lift this morning.

I posted a video on Facebook, I sent a couple of snaps and then drove in silence to the gym, hoping that I could find quiet, but in the shell of my car I could hear the tires on the pavement.

Anyway, it was another crazy week, but I did better to manage my emotions.

I don’t work on Wednesday’s at the office and I made an effort to not respond to emails – I put up an away message reminding senders of my working hours. This way I at least felt that I did my part to notify them that their requests would be completed in due time. Sometimes I have a hard time saying no. This helped me say no a bit more so I could say yes.

I said yes to the pool. Surprise to me – I got some color after being down at the pool for an hour and a half on Thursday. I read two chapters of my new book and I’m almost done with the third.

We made some more complex dinners this week and I tried to be a little creative with the zucchini other than zucchini bread. So needless to say we’ve had two Italian-like meals: pasta primavera and shredded chicken parm sandwiches. One slightly more Italian than the other, but the flavors were there and it was more about satisfying tastes without going shopping for more ingredients.

We call anything sweet dessert, so this means that some nights yogurt with whipped cream and fruit is dessert and others may lead to a few Oreos. Last night with so much night still ahead, we went out and split a cupcake and had some coffee.

Key lime Cupcake from Bean Counter Bakery

Key lime Cupcake from Bean Counter Bakery

We haven’t had a cupcake to share in a long time and it was a good way to end the work week, however, looking back I’m wondering if the coffee actually played a small role in last nights inability to turn my mind off.

I don’t usually have an issue with caffeine, meaning I can take LONG naps after caffeine usually. If I’m tired I can still fall asleep and have a restful sleep. But even with winding down appropriately and early, my mind was all over the place and it wouldn’t turn off.

I don’t think this played a huge role, there’s a lot of frustrating, exciting and weird things happening that I didn’t expect for Year 29, but I do think it played a part.

I have a bridal shower  in Western Massachusetts today that I’m really excited for because the bride doesn’t live here, but is from here, so we don’t get to see her often. However, no matter how excited I am, parties like these exhaust me. So I definitely foresee later nap time or early bedtime tonight.

Sometimes I wish I didn’t get exhausted from interacting like this, it makes me feel like a child. When I think back to working as a fundraiser it really was about putting on a game face and participating. I was good at my job and could mingle all night – but it also led to steady, rock -solid sleep. The difference between being a child and being 29 is knowing how to verbalize your emotions…sometimes. The ability to recognize that this makes me tired is also a difference. 

I’m driving to the party with a friend who I met through JP – she’s one of his “car friends”. But, if we’re going to get into labels, she’s a lifter too – so we connect through health and fitness as well as car stuff. The more I get to know her, the more her lifter label disappears and she’s just called friend.

We have a plan to decompress post-bridal shower.

The bridal shower is at a brewery just over an hour from me (a new one I can check off the list!) and on the way home we’re going to Mrs. Murphy’s Donuts. I’ve been there once with Alicia when she came out to see her boyfriend in Connecticut. It was the first time Alicia and I met. Donuts and friends – that’s love right there. Maybe not quiet, but it makes for a really fun time.

I’m sitting here thinking that I haven’t written like this to you in a while. I haven’t written without deep purpose. It feels weird. I didn’t have some spark or lightbulb moment that told me to write like I did about the art museum the other day or the book I’m reading. I just felt that I wanted to tell you about my morning and my plan for the day.

I have a sun dress picked out and wedges. I like the color of the dress – it’s coral. I think it looks good with my hair. I love the cut of the dress. As I’ve been defining my balance and just trying to be a healthy person who makes decent choices, I have found a bit more happiness in my clothing.

Everything is feeling really good. Weird enough, someone at the gym asked if I’ve lost weight recently. In reality, the scale fluctuates a few pounds, but my measurements are smaller than the spring. I physically have been capable of lifting more outright weight as well as volume, which leads to recomposition. I’ve been trying to focus on feeling good in the gym and enjoying my workouts. Doing movements that I like, that I feel strong in as well as adding some new stuff in to keep it interesting. So outside of competing or attempting to have great body change, it was weird hearing that someone else noticed something that I couldn’t quiet see, but could feel.

I digress.

Because of my current headspace and body feels, I’m excited to wear this dress. I’m sure I’ll also be excited to peel it off after a long day too.

It’s going to be a good Saturday.

❤ Cristina

 

 

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