I had a realization on Wednesday and it’s a big one. It’s one I wish I had sooner.
I like my body a lot more now that I’m not sharing it with 35,000 people.
I enjoy sharing my story, I think it can show others that great things are possible. That small things are possible. That you can make a goal, you make many goals, you can work towards them and in time, you will be successful. I think for a period of time sharing my body – the good, the bad, the in between made sense. I started blogging to stay accountable. As my focus in life changed and what was important changed, the parts of my day I shared on Instagram also changed. I have only ever had one account. It was my personal account and I shared things that were important to me.
My boyfriend. My lifting. Cupcakes. Doughnuts. School. Travel. Bella and Hippo.
I shared my surgery. I shared competing. I connected with a TON of people. At one point sharing my journey this way helpful and necessary.
But Wednesday while I was sitting in class, I had to adjust my jeans because they’re too big. I noticed I didn’t mind how it felt sitting in the chair. My stomach was still flat even though I’m a few pounds heavier. My clothes still fit pretty much the same as they did before. I noticed that I wasn’t self-aware of my breathing and how I looked in the chair.
After work I called Alicia and I told her about my realization. Her response – “I’m proud of you”.
I’m down 1.5 pounds since I deactivated my account and that tells me that even when I didn’t believe social media was impacting me, it was. My stress has been on the floor. Sleep is good. Food is good. Water is good. Classes are going really well. There really hasn’t been much change other than my appetite is normalized and I don’t feel anxious when I reach for my phone. I’m also reaching for it less.
I like my body a lot more because I’m not absorbing other opinions. I’m not absorbing backhanded comments. If I like my hair then I know I like my hair and that’s the end of the story. Sharing my transformations, and there will be one below, allowed me to share what can physically manifest if you put in the effort. Many times it was a reminder for myself that I’m not and never will be old Cristina. That photo down there is a person I will never be again and I know that. So I’ll share every now and then because sometimes I need a reminder, but I don’t need one like I used to.
Like all relationships, there’s a purpose and sometimes that purpose is finite. It just took stepping back to realize it.